If people are like me, most people are quick to judge and quick to anger. Oblivious to the fact that just the opposite is suggested as a means to positive behavior. In fact, I am guilty of passing unfair judgments and erupting in anger before ever stopping to think. Not exactly a trait I am proud of, but it is one that I am currently working on using this lesson.

What is it that drives this type of negative behavior? That is the first question that must-be answered to correct this type of attitude. While great arguments could be made, we could spend the better part of a day discussing them; I believe that the answer is boiled down to this: We are intimately involved in every-one of our own decisions and, therefore, tend to see ourselves based on our intentions. However, given that we see others from an outside perspective looking in, we tend to see others based off their actions.

Art Mortell, author and motivator, probably offers the best advice for the solution to this phenomena. He states, “I love playing chess. Whenever I am losing, I consistently get up and stand behind my opponent to see the board from his vantage. Then I discover the stupid moves I have made because I see it from his viewpoint.”

What consequences do seeing ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions present?

It causes you to be inward focused and not looking at others. It robs you from the ability to see the big picture or the ability to see beyond yourself. In other words you become selfish.

It causes you to be pessimistic and justify your actions. What an uncomfortable feeling. To always be on your toes ready to defend your actions because no one is willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

It keeps you from learning from your mistakes. We must learn from each mistake and failure no matter how small or seemingly unnecessary; only by this process can we truly build character.

It causes you to De-Value others. When you de-value others you keep yourself separated, many times, from the ones you love the most. You think of yourself and above all others and more important than the “little people”

It causes you to be closed-minded. Is an explanation really needed?

It causes you to be prideful and concerned with simply being right. In turn, this leads to being cynical and developing into an egotistical jerk.

In order to be able to improve, ask yourself these simple questions when you recognize you are being judgmental.

1. Am I basing my decision and feelings off their actions?
2. Have I considered or taken the time to stand up and walk to their side and see the board from their viewpoint?

In order for this to work you must be honest with yourself when you are seeing another person based on his or her actions, and spend a moment walking in their shoes to get a better perspective. As my father always told me, “Before judging, always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Because then you will be a mile away and now you have their shoes.“

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