As I am sitting here at work I happened to glance down at my wrist, and I observed I could not help but smile. The longer that I looked, the wider the smile got, the happier I became, the strength of the emotional impulses in my brain increased, my temperature began to rise, and the euphoric feelings towards my wife rose.

The reason for this “explosion of emotion” was driven by the memories brought forth by the watch that decorated my arm.

It is not typically a watch I wear everyday because it is an extraordinary watch that is more of a specialty item than an everyday watch. Yet today, I decided to dress up for work and the watch seemed like a perfect accessory.

You see, when I proposed to my wife over five years ago, I took her to the jewelry store to choose her own engagement/wedding ring. She had no idea I was going to propose to her, in fact, when I proposed I used an approximately 40-ct strawberry and cream candy ring from 7-11 that still sits proudly in our jewelry case. So as we were looking for a engagement/wedding ring for her, my eyes were drawn to an incredible timepiece brilliantly shining in the men’s watch case. I am not much of a jewelry type-of-guy, but this one was different. It appeared as if it had been made specifically for me. My wife agreed that it was a magnificent watch, but it was way out of our budget – Then and Now.

Fast forward four years – my 30th birthday, which was just a few months ago, was rapidly approaching. I personally am not much for making a huge deal out of occasions such as this, and as such, my wife and I decided to lay low on this occasion, rather than throwing some big SURPRISE party.

To celebrate I let my wife take me to Morton’s Steakhouse, a favorite hangout of ours on special occasions. (We had been there 3 times before in our 8-year relationship) Just before dessert arrived my wife tells me, “It is time to open your gift!” and with my two-month-old daughter by my side, my wife placed a small box in front of me wrapped very eloquently.

At first I had no idea what she had gotten me, but as I held the small box in my hands I realized, in order to mark this special occasion, she had purchased the beautiful watch that still lingered in the back of my mind, knowing full well it was way out of our budget. I did not know how to react at first.  Should I be angry that she spent this money…? But as I unwrapped the watch, I understood how much sacrifice, hard work, and love went into this gift and my eyes welled with tears. This moment had been marked by a small token of how much my wife thinks of me, and how far she was willing to go to show me how much she cares.  In order to purchase this gift for me my wife had to sacrifice many things, for a long time, in order to afford this watch, and it symbolizes her love and dedication to our relationship. Each time I wear this watch I relive that moment in my mind, and the emotions I felt that evening come rushing back again.

While great memories certainly do not have to cost a single penny, they are a very important piece of any great relationship. Isabel Urbano, a famous quotationist, once stated, “Though our memories of today will soon be yesterdays, they will forever live in our tomorrows.” A great memory only needs your time, effort, and good attitude. Great memories will linger in the muscle and nerve of the relationship forever.

Life with your mate is about making great memories. Shared moments in your life are special and unique moments that you can reflect upon as a couple to remind yourself of the love and dedication you have for one another. Celebrate all moments in your life. They do not have to be momentous occasions or even cost a lot of money (some of my wife’s and my most memorable celebrations hardly cost a cent), they simply require your time, effort, sacrifice and love.

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It is official.  The cover has been decided.  Recently I requested feedback from readers who have signed up for the pre-release sale on the most preferable cover design, and with overwhelming votes the cover has been decided. 

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone to shared comments and constructive feedback on the cover design.  We could not have completed the project with out you.  The good news is that the book is on schedule for its release - scheduled for summer 2007.

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This week, and for the next few weeks, I want to stay on the topic of your thoughts, and how powerful, life defining, or life changing one thought can be. Today - on how the simplest word can make all the difference.

By now most of the world has seen the video circulating the web on Terje Haakonsen’s first descent down the Alaskan mountain named 7601. It is a short clip from the snowboarding film First Descent. (If you have not seen it I recommend watching it before reading further to get a better understanding of this lesson. It can be seen here - Terje’s First Descent) When this clip first hit the web my email was bombarded by my friends and colleagues asking me if I had seen it because they know one of my wife’s and my own passions in life is snowboarding. This video still gives me chills because I know first hand what it takes for this World Class Athlete to overcome his fears and succeed.

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t - you’re right.” For a simple task, the price of thinking that you can’t do something is rather low. But using the video of Terje is the perfect example to illustrate how dangerous this simple word could be - one time or if it is made into a habit. For an action sports athlete the idea that you will ‘achieve what you believe’ is more than just a popular slogan designed for motivational speakers to give you something to get excited about, it is a way of life. One false thought or one negative mental image can mean life or death.

Long before Terje stood on top of 7601, the mountain named for its elevation, he had been thinking positive thoughts, and preparing himself for the challenges ahead.  Not so much outside of himself but from within.  He believed without a shadow of a doubt that he could ride this mountain, despite the dangers, and overcome his fear. He knew his limits and that in this particular case FEAR stood for the acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real. The ability to remove the negative thoughts that overcome you and replace them with positive thoughts and images are what separate you from those who do not.

The saddest words of the human language are: It might have been. These are immortal words of someone who was defeated by their thoughts but recognized that if they would have just said, “I can” they might have changed the world.

What the clip does not show you is that this is not the first time Terje and some of the other athletes featured in the film stood on top of 7601. Earlier in the film a team of athletes stood on the top weighing their options, and at that time the weather conditions proved to be too much for a First Descent. Wisely the team loaded back into the chopper and watched as the mountain got smaller and smaller out the window. Now he had to overcome not only the intial shock at seeing the dangers of the mountain, but he had to have the mental toughness to over come the fear twice. 

For Terje, he knew that the mountain was ridable and he chose to go back if the conditions were right. When the weather cleared and some of the dangers decreased, Terje once again set his sites on descending 7601. This time standing alone atop the peak Terje, with the power of positive thoughts and mental images, was able to tame the mountain and realize a dream come true. A reality that was only accomplished by denying the I can’t mentality.

While I recognize that snowboarding down a 55 degree mountain as dangerous as 7601 is not a gift/talent that everyone has, it does illustrate perfectly how powerful the mind can be and what can be accomplished when we remove the words ‘I can’t‘, ‘I won’t‘, ‘I am not good enough’ and replace them with the words ‘I can‘, ‘I will‘, ‘I am good enough‘. It is all in the power of your thoughts!

life

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The great wisdom writer James Allen once said, “You are today where your thoughts have brought you. You will go tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”  What James Allen is really saying is that your thoughts, and what your concentrate your thoughts on, will be the direction that you go in life. Great leaders have the ability to concentrate their thoughts on subjects that will bring return to their lives and the lives of others. They do this by prioritizing what is important in their lives and then using the time they have been given to wisely think upon these thoughts.

A thought, or the act of thinking, is a mental process that allow us to model reality. By doing so we are able to deal with the world effectively according to our plans, desires,  or life vision. It is the ability to reason and reflect upon life or to visualize or imagine something to be true. Overall, thinking, is what we trade our time for and concentrate our thoughts upon.

People who go to the top think differently that those who do not. What they understand best is that life is what a you have been thinking about all day, and that the thoughts that consume our time will influence who we are. Most importantly, those who rise to the top, comprehend that with the limited amount of time we have been given each day they do not want to waste their time thinking upon things that bring no return.

Thoughts can be your best friend or your greatest enemy. A positive thought, that stands the test of time, will begin to shape you and mold you into the person you wish to become. In other words, you will find as you begin to shape your thoughts they will begin to shape you. On the other hand, negative thoughts, that have no return to them, will begin to chip away at your character and leave you discouraged and bare.

Albert Einstein, a man with a gift for thinking in a manner that brings return to himself and humanity, once said, “The world we have created is a product of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing your thinking.” The power of your thoughts can either carry you to the heights of your dreams or the depths of despair. Here are four ways to help your daily thoughts bring you positive return and change your world.

Focus On:

1. Big Picture Thoughts: Your ability to think beyond yourself.
2. Realistic Thoughts: Your ability to remove everything with no value and concentrate on the facts.
3. Strategic Thoughts: Your ability to think forward and give your life direction.
4. Reflective Thoughts: Your ability to reflect on your day and gain insight into your daily thinking in order to improve upon them.

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This is an exerpt from the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship.

“I love you, you are perfect, now change!” Such a statement seems to be the underlying message of most modern relationships. Most people believe that change needs to happen in their relationship, but ironically it is usually directed at the other person. They believe themselves flawless, or at least their flaws aren’t affecting the relationship negatively. Most of us honestly believe that if our woman would change a few key areas in her life, our relationship would be perfect. How selfish!

Over the years, I have met many people who actually believe that they can ultimately change the person they are with into the person they want. How many times have I heard, “Well, he may not be perfect now, but that will change when we get married.” And then there is the somewhat frustrated young man who states, “She doesn’t do what I want her to do, but when we get married she won’t have a choice.” Sound familiar? Everyone can find flaws in another person, but somehow we are unwilling to even consider that we are the ones that need to change or adapt.

No relationship was built in a day. Instead they develop gradually over time, and only with effort and the willingness to improve yourself. A relationship requires daily care, daily growth, daily change. Most of the time, the person that needs to change is yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

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This topic is based off the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship on one of the essential requirements of a woman – communication.

     Communication is a little thing that can make a big difference.  Most of the time we take communication for granted because it is something that we do constantly through our use of verbal and non-verbal expressions, but when communication becomes flat your action can make all the difference.  Miscommunication is what starts wars and ends friendships; it is what destroys corporations and ruins reputations.  Ultimately, communication will be the one factor that either holds your relationship together or lets it fade away. 

     If you think communication with a woman is the same as a male you are fooling yourself.  Male communication often is a myriad of grunts and broken English, saying the littlest possible in the shortest amount of time. I call this locker room talk, and it has made shows such as the ESPN’s SportCenter extremely popular.

     Communication between women takes on a much more sophisticated role. Their sentences are much more complete, and contain much more information. In time, a woman’s relationship is built upon trading secrets and opening up to one another, something that is sometimes difficult for a man to do. If you want to have a fulfilling relationship and build a lasting friendship with your woman, you will need to learn to adapt your style to a more self-revealing method when communicating to her. 

     Effective communication with your woman doesn’t mean you have to act like a girl. Your woman doesn’t expect you to be a girlfriend, but she expects you to be her friend.  That is good news for you, because a man needs his woman to be his best friend, and here are a few suggestions for impeccable communication in your relationship.  Read the rest of this entry »

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     Do you know what our mission, desire and vision is here at JamesSchellman.com? Simply this - to add value to the lives of others.  That’s it.  It really is as simple as that - we exist to add merit to your life, and we believe that you can make a difference.

     By definition that is the meaning of significance - to give meaning or importance,  or my favorite definition - having or likely to have a major effect. Wouldn’t you like to say you had a major effect on something?  Put that on a resume, “I was the major effect…” I think John Maxwell, a renowned Leadership speaker and author, says it best, “Significance is found when you add value to others.”  Allow me to share a moment of significance in my life. Read the rest of this entry »

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This is an excerpt from the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship 

     Last summer, I was watching the Home Run Derby during the all-star break. As I was watched, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What would the game be like if the players didn’t know how many home runs they hit, the distance it traveled, or who won?” Most likely complete boredom; fans worldwide enjoy the rush of gazing at the scoreboard and hoping to see their favorite player at the top. Not only does a player become truly able to appreciate his or her performance, but the competition challenges them to drive for more. Sometimes an athlete’s greatest opponent is their own record.

     Successful corporations drive their companies with a similar method as a sport scoreboard. They compile a company’s success in the form of quarterly results, shareholder numbers, and market share and compare them against their competitors. You cannot know where you are going or where you have been until you know where you stand.

     My wife and I have a scoreboard of our own. While its actual existence may exist only in our minds, it does serve a real purpose. About once a week, either at breakfast or somewhere we are alone, we ask each other, “Am I meeting your needs this week, or do you feel that I am doing a good job at meeting your needs?” If the answer is yes, we move on; however, if the answer is no it is very essential to listen with an open mind. Instead of feeling like my wife is complaining, I think of her just giving me her score. Just because the answer was yes last week, doesn’t mean that it will be so all the consecutive weeks as well. Relationships are about constant growth. Sometimes I feel that I had done a great job, but my wife is the judge. I have learned to view her score as a challenge to improve, and a compliment that she cares enough to let me improve. I have occasionally used a 1 - 10 scale to quantitate more delicate issues and determine the level of need. Read the rest of this entry »

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Relationships are the basis of human existance.  Whether it be with a complete stranger, your closest friend, or an intimate lover; your daily interaction will produce action by those around you.  The question is whether or not your interaction will produce affirming action.  Here are three ways to have positive interaction:

Give: Winston Churchill once said, “You make a living by what you get.  You make a life by what you give.”  When you spend your time voluntarily giving to your relationships without expecting compensation you will always be able to see it grow.  Unfortunately, so many times we only see what we can get out of our relationships and in return see them deminish.  Think about what you can offer to a relationship without looking for anything in return.

Focus: When I was younger I had a friend, and it always felt like when we were together that he was complaining about one of his other friends.  This perplexed me.  I could not understand why, if this was one of his best friends, he always spoke so poorly of him.  So one day I asked why he was friends with this guy, and all of the sudden he didn’t have enough good things to say about him.  My point: if you think highly of someone, let it be reflected by the way you speak of them and promote their good traits. 

Attitude Makes a Difference: Eric Hoffer, an American Social Writer, once said, “The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves.  We hate others when we hate ourselves.  We tolerate others when we tolerate ourselves.  We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrafice others when we are ready to sacrafice ourselves.” The miraculous thing about this quote, besides its insight, is that each of these statements is derived from one character trait - Your Attitude.  An attitude is nothing more than an inward feeling expressed as an outward expression, and the attitude that you chose to display will be projected upon those around you. In comparison, your attitude toward others will greatly determine their attitude toward you, and 100% of the time your attitude is determined by your choice. 

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