I believe that growth is not an automatic process.  If you want to grow, change, or improve you have to make a conscious decision to learn.  Earl Nightingale says, “If you focus on one topic for 1 hour a day, after 5 years, you will become an expert.”

I am not so sure about that.  I think I could spend the rest of my life training to be a comedian and I do not ever think I would ever be funny.

I like to learn; it helps me think.  Every time I learn something new, I commit it to memory by telling someone else or journaling it in order to use it again. 

About two years ago I subscribed to - Doctor Dictionary - and everyday when I open my email the Word of the Day is waiting for me.  Most of the time I learn words I will never use again (they are much too big for me), but that is OK, they are helping me grow and improve my vocabulary. 

I never have been the most talented writer.  My gifting is in oral communication more than written, but I suppose it is working better than I think.  My writing is improving; however, my book editor says I am starting to sound like a ‘college professor’. 

         Great! I am trying to become a better writer and I am sounding like some crotchety old professor and my readers are falling asleep.

Oh well, I guess it is time to work on being more conversational in my writing. At least, it is something to work toward. Who knows, maybe in 5 years I will be a little better.

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The other day I was finishing up a workout at my local gym when I overheard a conversation between a supervisor and an employee.  Well, that is not entirely true, because I did not overhear it like I was eavedropping, I witnessed it along with many other employees and gym patrons.

The supervisor was attempting to teach a lesson in customer service, except he was an egotistical jerk who should not be in charge of anyone. 

“Say, Johnny. Do you know how many muscles it takes to smile?” he said as if it were trivia.

“Not Really.” replied the employee weary of the game.

The supervisor looks at another employee and sarcastically asks, “Can you tell him how many muscles it takes to frown.”

The other employee, eager to play along, mumbles his answer.  

“That is right! And it takes many more muscles to frown, than it does to smile.” he forcefully says, like a drill sergeant in boot camp.

“When you are at the front desk, you need to smile at every person. Got it?” he orders.

“Yes, sir” the employee says, while trying to hide from the eyes of the health patrons and the prideful smiles of his coworkers.

I do not think I need to continue any further with the story for you to understand what I am saying. 

The supervisor who intended to teach a lesson in customer service, did so by ridiculing and demeaning his employee in front of everyone.  And he accomplished little more than robbing this person of their dignity and honor, while humiliating them, and the message was entirely lost. 

This was probably the most ineffective way of ever getting your point across.  If the employee ever returns to work, the resentment for their boss will most likely be bursting from within them.

To be an efficient influencer of your employees or peers it is essential to lift them up and not tear them down.  A lesson is received very poorly when it is done in a contemptuous manner. 

So, how can you have this conversation and have it be well received?  Here are three simple rules that may help:

1. Talk about your own mistakes before offering a critique.  You may want to simply tell them a story, or make one up, about how you made a mistake in the past and how your supervisor devised a brilliant solution.  It would also be advisable to do it privately, and in a welcoming manner.
2. Pull the entire team together and teach an uplifting and inspiring message to everyone about your customer service vision, and include your expectations in it.  From there you will have a platform to work from.
3. Praise the slightest improvements honestly in front of everyone, and overlook the mistakes.  William James once said, “The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.”  This will give them a reputation to live up to and make them feel good about themselves. 

Being a titled leader who has to uphold the rules and expectations of the office can sometimes be a difficult task.  However, handling people is an art and done properly can create a beautiful picture.

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I have spent the past month researching and working on how I wanted to present my Author Bio on my website.  At first I began reading every “How To” article written on Writing a Good Professional Personal Bio.  I did not like any suggestion I read.  They all said, “never to write your own Bio because you are too close to the situation” or “Write it in the third person, if you must write it yourself”.  I disagree. Bios written in these ways seem trite and boring to me.

My next line of execution was to research how other Authors, CEO’s, Top Executives, Comedians, and anyone else who had a personal bio online handled it.  Maybe, by using this tactic, I could find inspiration for my own bio.  While I did find a lot of inspiration, I also noticed a trend, and began to observe how different generations presented themselves to the public.  I found it rather interesting.

Personal Bios from the ‘Baby Boomer’ generation tended to have very concise biographies which presented a long list of accomplishments, awards, professional associations, degrees, and other rather impersonal qualifications.  With each one I read a picture was painted of how powerful, intelligent, and potentially deserving the person was of such a high position.  For them, these classifications distinguish them from the rest of society and provide them with a sense of entitlement.  However, rarely do these accolades paint a picture into the inner personality of who they are and left me feeling disconnected from the individual. 

By contrast, I found the bios I read for members of the ‘Generation- Y’ class to be very light and personal.  Sometimes they included their own list of qualifications -sometimes not.  But the trend behind the ‘Generation-Y’ group was that they always clearly painted a picture into the personality of the person.  (Sometimes revealing a little too much.)  What they hoped to accomplish was to put themselves out there - Flaws and All - in hopes of just being accepted for who they ‘are’ rather than ‘what’ they accomplished. 

So the question now is: What direction should you take to present yourself in a professional setting?  I  am not a ‘Baby Boomer’, nor do I fall into the ‘Generation-Y’ category.  So - what direction did I go with my bio?  Well, you will just have to read it for yourself on my Author Bio page.

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A few weeks ago, I wrote about my belief that everyone is a leader, whether or not they would like to be.  (Read: School of Thought or A Way of Life?) That is because everyone has the obligation to lead at least one person in their life - themselves.  And when you do that well, simply by your actions, you are influencing other people; which by its very definition is Leadership. 

The problem is that too many people are not leading themselves; they are just allowing life to happen around them.  Yet, they too, through their actions and words are influencing others.  For example, I think everyone would agree the potential drunk driving and drug charges pending against Lindsey Lohan this past week would be poor judgments, yet they are influencing many people.  Just like gravity pulling every object down to itself, so do people with lower values become a constant pressure to compromise. 

In this blog, I want to talk about Who Is Influencing You?  All great leaders do not always lead.  Many times, they allow themselves to be influenced by their inner circle, and those closest to them determine a leaders potential.  It is my opinion that we choose whom it is that we allow ourselves to be influenced by. Many times outside influences can have a certain charisma and charm that can be drawing.  But people who influence you should have certain characteristics and predetermined values.  Those who do not have a predetermined set of values will find themselves expedient - this means that they are guided simply by what is advantageous and self-serving - rather than by principles. 

What this does not mean is that every decision made by someone who does have values is good, nor that every decision made by someone who has not set  their values makes bad judgments.  It only means that having values by which you stand by will provide you with the greatest chance of making good judgments.  Because you have something by which to make those decisions.

Temptation is a constant companion, but set values, like hardened cement, will be able to withstand the pressure.  Think of your life as a custom sailboat, built solely by your choices.  Values act as your sail and rudder in life.  When you do not have any values you will be blown to and fro by the passing storms and currents, and many times taken to places you never intended to go.  Our world is full of change - seasons change, goals change, friendships change - but values do not.  And it is by our values, principles, ethics, and beliefs that we can make sound judgments which, in turn, will allow you, or someone else, to be a person worthy of influence.  The success of anyone’s influence is the sum total of the quality of decisions they make on a daily basis. 

For these reasons, it is important to consciously understand who it is that is influencing you, as well as, understand how you may be influencing others.  For reference, the following is a list of predetermined values and ethics that great leaders posses, and that may aid you in understanding Who is Influencing you:

• Leaders posses Integrity
• Leaders make decisions based on their understanding of Right and Wrong
• Leaders decisions are consistent with their values and ethics
• Leaders are honest and trustworthy
• Leaders honor others and value them
• Leaders keep their word even if it means they take a loss
• Leaders are strong and stable

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Believe it or not, you are a leader.

I do not know what silent thought just rushed through your mind, but for some of you it may have been, “No I am not!” or “Not Really” or “You Betcha”.  The truth is - everybody is a leader; like it or not.

I never really wanted to be a leader.  It seemed like too much work, and it actually appeared simpler to just sit back, follow, and let someone else make the hard decisions.  The dilemma that ensued was twofold:  most of the time I did not like the decisions others were making for me (but, if I did not help shape the decision, I had no authority to complain - right?), and when I wasn’t sitting with my arms crossed protesting like a young child who did not want to eat their spinach, I was usually chosen by others to be a leader.  A role that, if I was going to be asked to perform, I had better learn to do well.  Now, my passion has become learning to be a great leader.

Some believe in the school of thought, “leaders are born - not made”.  I disagree; no great leaders are ever born; only babies are born.  Leaders are made, and it is from there that my school of thought is birthed.  I stand by the leadership definition: Leadership is influence; nothing more and nothing less.

Whether or not you want to be a leader, in life, everyone has one person they must lead – Themselves. And whether you want to lead many or simply be a follower; you always have to at least be accountable for yourself. Life is nothing more that leading yourself so well that others cannot help but follow. Therefore, if your lead yourself well, you will influence others naturally; and by influencing others, you are leading. Thereby, making everyone a leader in some fashion or on some level. That raises the question: How are you influencing others?

I could never imagine how hard it would be to control others, as some leader’s attempt, when controlling myself is such a mammoth task.  Leading “others” in a formal fashion is a responsibility that not everyone is called to do, but everyone is called to, at the very minimum, lead themselves.  A true leader does not focus on leading others, they focus on leading themselves first and when you do that well, others will follow.  So - is being a leader really a school of thought or a way of life?

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This topic is based off the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship on one of the essential requirements of a woman – communication.

     Communication is a little thing that can make a big difference.  Most of the time we take communication for granted because it is something that we do constantly through our use of verbal and non-verbal expressions, but when communication becomes flat your action can make all the difference.  Miscommunication is what starts wars and ends friendships; it is what destroys corporations and ruins reputations.  Ultimately, communication will be the one factor that either holds your relationship together or lets it fade away. 

     If you think communication with a woman is the same as a male you are fooling yourself.  Male communication often is a myriad of grunts and broken English, saying the littlest possible in the shortest amount of time. I call this locker room talk, and it has made shows such as the ESPN’s SportCenter extremely popular.

     Communication between women takes on a much more sophisticated role. Their sentences are much more complete, and contain much more information. In time, a woman’s relationship is built upon trading secrets and opening up to one another, something that is sometimes difficult for a man to do. If you want to have a fulfilling relationship and build a lasting friendship with your woman, you will need to learn to adapt your style to a more self-revealing method when communicating to her. 

     Effective communication with your woman doesn’t mean you have to act like a girl. Your woman doesn’t expect you to be a girlfriend, but she expects you to be her friend.  That is good news for you, because a man needs his woman to be his best friend, and here are a few suggestions for impeccable communication in your relationship.  Read the rest of this entry »

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