Self Worth - the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person

I received an email that had a humorous list of comments that various New York City school teachers had made on their students report cards.  The intent was to try to improve the child’s learning capability by pointing out their weaknesses; however, these may have had a slightly different impact.  My personal favorite says, “Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.” 

Sometimes it is hard to imagine how much a simple compliment or a helping hand can improve someone’s life and make a difference in his or her future, but with out a doubt it can have possibly the most central impact. Unfortunately, sometimes it is easy to forget, and we regretfully see someone with their faults highlighted rather than by their  potential. 

For those teachers, and even for me, this is a blind spot.  Not because I actively do not help to build someone’s self worth, but as I grow closer to those around me I tend to use this interpersonal tool.

Shortly after I graduated college I learned early on in my career just how powerful your diction and words may be.  I applied at a major corporation where my brother had been working.  Because of his referral I was able to secure a interview with a high level manager.  I remember how excited and extremely nervous I was all at the same time.  After meeting with the interviewer for a short time, she finally admitted to me that this is a Fortune 500 corporation and I was severely lacking any experience. 

She then finished the interview by telling me that I was not even qualified to be a janitor in the building. 

Dejected and very disappointed I returned home.  I remember feeling like their was no hope for me and that my future employment was not going to be what I had expected.  I had spend years obtaining a degree, and, in my eyes, it now held little value.

A few weeks later, I was meeting with my brother for lunch.  As we were exiting the building, we met his manager at the door and made small talk.  When he learned I was looking for a career he asked me to forward my resume on to him and he would see if there were any positions that would be a match. 

Shortly after, I found myself once again sitting in an interview for the same company. He looked over my resume, we spoke for some time, and then he said, “While you do not have all the qualifications we are looking for your desire speaks for itself.  It is clear that you are a self-starter and eager to learn new things.  During your four years in school you have done far more than most entry level employees.  I believe you have the potential to become a leader in this company and not only that, but I believe you would be a wonderful candidate for one of our mid-level openings.” I was offered the position.

What was the difference?  Certainly not my interview, nor my resume.  The difference was in the leadership capabilities of the hiring manager.  When you communicate or interact with someone as they appear to be, you will simply make them worse.  But when you interact with a man or woman with who they could potentially become, you will make them what they should be.  That manager understood this principle very clearly, and as a result increased my potential with only a belief that I ‘could become’.
I firmly believe that one of the most important aspects of a leader is the constant encouragement of other’s self worth.  Helping them to believe in themselves when possibly no one else would, and lifting them to new potentials in their careers.  I appreciate a quote that leadership expert and trainer, Dr. John Maxwell, shares with his students, “Believing in people before they have ever proved themselves is the key to motivating people to reach their potential.”

The other day I was finishing up a workout at my local gym when I overheard a conversation between a supervisor and an employee.  Well, that is not entirely true, because I did not overhear it like I was eavedropping, I witnessed it along with many other employees and gym patrons.

The supervisor was attempting to teach a lesson in customer service, except he was an egotistical jerk who should not be in charge of anyone. 

“Say, Johnny. Do you know how many muscles it takes to smile?” he said as if it were trivia.

“Not Really.” replied the employee weary of the game.

The supervisor looks at another employee and sarcastically asks, “Can you tell him how many muscles it takes to frown.”

The other employee, eager to play along, mumbles his answer.  

“That is right! And it takes many more muscles to frown, than it does to smile.” he forcefully says, like a drill sergeant in boot camp.

“When you are at the front desk, you need to smile at every person. Got it?” he orders.

“Yes, sir” the employee says, while trying to hide from the eyes of the health patrons and the prideful smiles of his coworkers.

I do not think I need to continue any further with the story for you to understand what I am saying. 

The supervisor who intended to teach a lesson in customer service, did so by ridiculing and demeaning his employee in front of everyone.  And he accomplished little more than robbing this person of their dignity and honor, while humiliating them, and the message was entirely lost. 

This was probably the most ineffective way of ever getting your point across.  If the employee ever returns to work, the resentment for their boss will most likely be bursting from within them.

To be an efficient influencer of your employees or peers it is essential to lift them up and not tear them down.  A lesson is received very poorly when it is done in a contemptuous manner. 

So, how can you have this conversation and have it be well received?  Here are three simple rules that may help:

1. Talk about your own mistakes before offering a critique.  You may want to simply tell them a story, or make one up, about how you made a mistake in the past and how your supervisor devised a brilliant solution.  It would also be advisable to do it privately, and in a welcoming manner.
2. Pull the entire team together and teach an uplifting and inspiring message to everyone about your customer service vision, and include your expectations in it.  From there you will have a platform to work from.
3. Praise the slightest improvements honestly in front of everyone, and overlook the mistakes.  William James once said, “The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.”  This will give them a reputation to live up to and make them feel good about themselves. 

Being a titled leader who has to uphold the rules and expectations of the office can sometimes be a difficult task.  However, handling people is an art and done properly can create a beautiful picture.

Leadership by any given definition is nothing more than simply your level of influence on someone else.  Unbeknownst to most people it is not a title or position given by others.  Being an entry-level worker does not make you any less of a leader than a CEO, and certainly having the title of CEO does not necessarily make you a strong leader.  You can be a powerful leader right where you are, and it is all based on your influence on others.  Dr. John C. Maxwell wrote a great book on becoming and being a leader called The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, or Mark Sanborn’s book You Don’t Need a Title to be a Leader.

One man who, through his influence, has made an indelible impact on those he is around is Tony Dungy, head coach of the World Champion Indianapolis Colts.  Of my observations of Coach Dungy, I have noticed that he has two powerful traits that every leader should have in their toolbox if they want to make an impact on others.  Dungy is able to influence his players, fans, coaches, and NFL through his unique style of leadership - he serves those he leads.  He is a role model, and he affects his players by serving their interests rather than imposing his rule.  He lives his life by the example: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.  Living his leadership by example is the loudest way for Dungy to be an effective leader. 

The two traits that Dungy carries in his leadership toolbox are that he is an Agent of Change and his leadership is a Catalyst.  Two ‘Free’ traits everyone should posses.  First, Dungy is an Agent of Change.  An Agent of Change is a person who intentionally causes a behavioral change.  Dungy infects his personnel with his servant leadership and causes them to have an intense desire to follow him - this provides the origin of the behavioral change.  Secondly, his leadership becomes the catalyst.  A Catalyst is a person or thing that precipitates an event or change.  When these two traits are combined - like mixing Mentos and Coke in a science experiment they cause a powerful reaction.  When it comes to leadership, the proper action can cause a powerful reaction in others.  But - like Mentos and Coke, each one needs the other to create the reaction - An Agent of Change needs a Catalyst as I will explain with the following calculations:

• Agent of Change - Catalyst = Direction without Propulsion
• Catalyst  - Agent of Change = Propulsion without a Destination
• Agent of Change + Catalyst = Rapid Acceleration toward your Vision or desired destination

An Agent of Change provides the direction and causes behavioral change.  While the Catalyst that helps you reach the goal is the passion or fuel that gets you there.  Try adding these two traits to your leadership toolbox and see what they can do for you.

Unless you been on a trip to the moon for the past month, it is nearly impossible to not know that the Colorado Rockies have been embarking on a magical run at the World Series.  And even if you have been traveling to the moon, it would be nearly impossible to not hear the volume of encouragement the fans have been giving them.  Colorado has officially renamed October - ROCKTOBER. 

Exactly one month ago the Rockies were a mere four (4) games above .500 and found themselves nearly out of contention in the bid for a playoff or Wildcard birth.  What the Rockies have accomplished since then is nothing short of miraculous, and I could easily spend the rest of this blog sharing the astronomical stats the Rockies compiled throughout the season, but they actually offer a fantastic model of Leadership X teamwork in motion. 

The Rockies no doubt have accomplished remarkable success this season - namely their astonishing run of winning 21 of their last 22 games, but what the Rockies have going for them is nothing more than Classical Mechanics working in their favor. 

Like a giant steamroller, the Rockies began to pick up speed as they entered the critical stretch of the season, and have flattened everything and everyone in their path.  The key ingredient to the Rockies success has been momentum, which is merely the byproduct of great leadership and teamwork.  But what is it that has given the Rockies so much momentum?  Simply the perfect execution of the Laws of Motion required to build momentum:

1.  Set a Vision - The Rockies established that, the vision, for their season would be set at winning the World Series.  But many times, visions at the start of the journey can loom like Mt. Everest, even if you are the Rockies, and require that a series of smaller more attainable goals are set.  With the achievement of each smaller goal, the Rockies were able to leapfrog their way to the next goal allowing each small success to build momentum for the next, thereby making each approaching goal easier.  Follow one success immediately with another to help build momentum and make the “Vision” attainable.

2.  The Buy-In - The vision must be the first principle set in gaining momentum, but next your must have the Buy-In of the whole team.  With each teammember focused on the same definite marker the Mass of the vision is set in motion with minimal internal forces affecting its path.

3.  The Inner Circle - The team has chemistry, there is no doubt about that, but more than chemistry, each player compliments and makes up for someone else’s weakness.  This allows each player to focus on and operate within their Strength Zone and figuratively removes any gaps because each players weakness is accounted for by the efforts of the whole team.  The Rockies stand by and define the acronym T.E.A.M - Together Everyone Achieves More.  They understand clearly that those closest to you will determine your success.

4.  The Law of Timing - Too many people, corporations, and teams attempt to rush their plans before the environment given to aid the plan has had time to set up.  Had the Rockies gone 21-1 at the start of the season it would have made for great headlines here in Denver, and amazing highlights on ESPN’s Sportscenter, but it would have been ill timed for their run at the Series.  When to plant is as important as knowing when to harvest. 

5.  No Dominating Hero - Many professional sports teams, and corporations for that matter, attempt to build a team around one star player. Clint Hurdle, the Rockies Manger, believed that his team would win through the collective effort of the entire team, not solely on an individual achiever. He chose players that would work together as a team, rather than try to be the hero. The players on the Rockies Roster are not the nations best players, a flaw many analyists saw as a weakness, yet Hurdle saw them for their potential as a team; not their individual potential.  His secret is TeamWork.

All of this is merely Newton’s Laws of Motion in action, which provides us with the mathematical equation P=MV.  Where P is Momentum, M is Mass and V is Velocity.  The higher the Mass and the faster the Velocity the more Momentum that is generated.  By using the Principles of Momentum identified in this blog, you can determine the Mass of the equation based off the size of your Vision, and you can determine the Velocity by the execution of the remaining four principles.  Thus you now can build momentum for yourself or your business. 

[Purchase your copy of my book - Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man's Strategy to a Real Relationship Now through October 31st for 25% off.  Just enter the Promotional Code Thanks during checkout to redeem your discount.]

If people are like me, most people are quick to judge and quick to anger. Oblivious to the fact that just the opposite is suggested as a means to positive behavior. In fact, I am guilty of passing unfair judgments and erupting in anger before ever stopping to think. Not exactly a trait I am proud of, but it is one that I am currently working on using this lesson.

What is it that drives this type of negative behavior? That is the first question that must-be answered to correct this type of attitude. While great arguments could be made, we could spend the better part of a day discussing them; I believe that the answer is boiled down to this: We are intimately involved in every-one of our own decisions and, therefore, tend to see ourselves based on our intentions. However, given that we see others from an outside perspective looking in, we tend to see others based off their actions.

Art Mortell, author and motivator, probably offers the best advice for the solution to this phenomena. He states, “I love playing chess. Whenever I am losing, I consistently get up and stand behind my opponent to see the board from his vantage. Then I discover the stupid moves I have made because I see it from his viewpoint.”

What consequences do seeing ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions present?

It causes you to be inward focused and not looking at others. It robs you from the ability to see the big picture or the ability to see beyond yourself. In other words you become selfish.

It causes you to be pessimistic and justify your actions. What an uncomfortable feeling. To always be on your toes ready to defend your actions because no one is willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

It keeps you from learning from your mistakes. We must learn from each mistake and failure no matter how small or seemingly unnecessary; only by this process can we truly build character.

It causes you to De-Value others. When you de-value others you keep yourself separated, many times, from the ones you love the most. You think of yourself and above all others and more important than the “little people”

It causes you to be closed-minded. Is an explanation really needed?

It causes you to be prideful and concerned with simply being right. In turn, this leads to being cynical and developing into an egotistical jerk.

In order to be able to improve, ask yourself these simple questions when you recognize you are being judgmental.

1. Am I basing my decision and feelings off their actions?
2. Have I considered or taken the time to stand up and walk to their side and see the board from their viewpoint?

In order for this to work you must be honest with yourself when you are seeing another person based on his or her actions, and spend a moment walking in their shoes to get a better perspective. As my father always told me, “Before judging, always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Because then you will be a mile away and now you have their shoes.“

[Purchase your copy of Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship today for a 25% discount through October 31, 2007. Just enter the Promotional Code Thanks during checkout to redeem your discount. http://www.jamesschellman.com }