[I recently took a 4-week class on Storytelling for Professionals from the Denver Center of Performing Arts.   I am always looking to learn new things and improve.  So I wanted to share that story with you and see what you think.  Your comments are warmly welcomed]

Photo by: Thomas D. Mangelsen

As a professional wakeboarder, the last place I ever imagined wakeboarding would be Alaska.  So, you can only imagine my shock when I received an invitation to teach for a week at a small summer Bible camp in a place where the ground is still frozen only a few inches beneath the surface, and the mosquitoes are so big they have been known to carry people away.

Let me share with you a story about how leaders lift others up.  They reach down and pull others up to enjoy life’s pleasures. They arrive just in time to be a support.  I witnessed this on my second invitation back to Alaska between two young campers. 

I was very excited to be going back to Alaska because this year both my best friend and I were chosen to teach Wakeboarding to 40 Teenagers.  Bart and I, along with my wife had arrived a few days early to take in the beauty of Alaska.  We spent three days hiking through lush rain forests looking for an Alaskan Grizzly Bear, and after three days had seen none. 

We finally arrived at the camp for the ‘meet-and-greet’ with the staff and campers, and I looked around to see if I recognized anyone from the previous year.  That is when I saw Hannah.

Hannah was a young energetic teenager, and she had been one of my students the year before.  But this year she had chosen to become a Junior Counselor and take on a leadership role at the camp.   

Hannah introduced me to a camper named Jillian.  She was a first year camper and it was easy to see she was uncomfortable.  Her appearance led you to believe she was aged well beyond her 17 years. She was an outsider and the other kids avoided her because her posture remained closed to approach. 

After our introduction to the campers, Bart, my Wife, and I grabbed our fishing rods and ran for the river.  One of the highlights for the instructors is the proximity to the world famous Kenai River.  We were there in early July when the Sockeye Salmon had just begun their spawning run.  More importantly, this year I was determined to win my pride back from my wife who had caught the largest fish the year before.  

The next morning when we arrived at the lake it was amazing.  The scenery reflected off the water like a Thomas D. Mangelsen nature photograph.

We were teaching on a small 50-acre lake, which was one of two lakes in the region warm enough to do so.  The lake was only about 10 feet deep and lined with beautiful homes.  However, instead of boats sitting in their docks, there were planes, and as we taught, planes would land and take off over our heads. 

Before teaching it is always customary to take a test run in the boat, and I had just turned around on the far end of the lake when a Bald Eagle flew down from his nest and flew right next to me no more than 10 feet to my right.  Often, I would find that in the middle of a camper’s lesson, I would stop the boat to look at a moose that had waded out to the middle of the lake to feast on the lush vegetation. 

When I pulled back up to the dock, the campers were unloading out of the vans getting ready for their first lesson.  That is when I spotted Jillian.  She appeared shy and weary and when she approached the boat, I was afraid she just might fall in the water.  

The campers wanted to watch one of us do a demonstration before we started, and, to be honest, I was very nervous.  The water was only 55 – 60 degrees, but the campers did not care.  They eagerly would jump in the water with no wetsuit and smile the whole time while there teeth chattered and their lips turned blue.  So I certainly could not put on a wetsuit and look like a wimp.  I would just have to pray I land every trick without falling. 

After I had done the demonstration, Jillian asked if she could ride in the boat with me rather than participate in the activities planned on shore.  I knew she just wanted to escape and so I agreed.  While we were on the water, we started talking about her life and how difficult it had been. 

She had been constantly handed off, back-and-forth from one parent to the other.  Now, the only reason that she attended the Bible camp was because she had received threats from a dangerous gang in her hometown and needed a place to hang out before going to live with her grandmother for her senior year of high school.   

It was clear that Jillian was scarred.  She was a good person and indeed had a bright future ahead of her; she just needed to be encouraged. 

I asked her if she had prayed about it.  She looked at me with her sad eyes and told me she does not believe in God.  How could she.  He had allowed her to live such a hard life and she had nothing to look forward to. 

I did not know how to respond, but I share my favorite bible verse with her from the book of Jeremiah – I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans for you to prosper and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future. 

I left it at that because I needed to focus on teaching the rest of the morning, and Jillian sat quietly in the passengers side of the boat telling me when the kids had fallen and helping me handle the rope. 

That evening after Chapel, Bart and I grabbed our fishing poles and ran to the river.  My wife stayed back to get a little sleep as we were often fishing until 3am, when the sun had just set below the horizon. 

On the river, Bart asked me if I had talked to Jillian.  I replied ‘yes’.  I asked him what advice he offered her, and he said I just told her, “If she wants to know if God is real to Pray about it and Seek him”, and he guaranteed by the end of the week God would respond. 

Even though we are up over 20 hours a day, the time seems to fly by  and before I knew it we were passing out the end of the week’s awards at Chapel.  For many of the campers, this may be the only time they ever wakeboard in their lives and it is a special time. 

After we handed out the awards, the pastor got up and delivered his last message and at the end he held an alter call.  I saw Jillian get up and walk to the front and by her side stood Hannah.  It was an emotional moment and afterwards I was eager to find out why she had chosen to do so. 

I pulled Hannah and Jillian aside and asked what happened? 

Hannah looked at me and said that she wanted to do something this week that increased her faith, and she was praying a listening hard all week for God’s Voice.  She explained that the night before as the rain fell on the roof of her cabin she was praying for God to use her in a meaningful way.  And, she felt God wanted her to go and speak with Jillian.    That is when Hannah let Jillian finish the story. 

I looked at Jillian and she told me about her conversation with Bart.  She then said, “I was lying in my bunk last night and praying to God, that if he was real and if he loved me, he would send someone to come and speak to her about him and pray.” 

At that moment, Hannah knocked on the door.

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Happy Belated New Year!

Well it is back to work after taking the last week and a half off. (Dec 21 - Jan 2) And, I have to admit, it was time well taken. 

I am ready to take on the New Year, 2008, the year of New Beginnings, and I am ready in large part because of the time I take off over the holidays.  So, I thought I would share with you why I take vacation at the end of the year and always will:

1. Tradition!: I can almost here the old man in Fiddler on the Roof singing those words now …TRADITION.  Ever since I graduated college I have taken the week of Christmas off, and there is no need to stop now because it always sling shots me into the new year ready to accomplish my goals, help others, and enjoy the holiday.Part of the time I spend in Quality Time with my wife and child, some of the time I spend in the mountains enjoying a face full of fresh powder, and some of the time I spend in preperation.  Nevertheless, it is a great tradition to have. 
2. Reflection: I am not going to lie, 2007 was a tough year for my family and me.  We faced many great challenges professionally and personally.  But, wisdom tells me that we will go through many trails in our lives and it is through those trials that we develop persistence and perseverance.  (This year a little more than others )

   John Maxwell, a prominent teacher on leadership and author tells us, “experience alone does not make you better, but only through evaluated experience do we grow.”

   Some of my trials were just life, and some of my trials were based on my own decisions.  During this time off, I spent some time thinking back over the year and reflecting on the highs and the lows, and looking for insight on how to improve in either case.  Evaluating my experience and thinking how to make the following year a good one? 

3. Quality Time: The holidays come but once a year, and, while I have heard it argued by many bloggers this holiday that they would rather work than spend time with family, I disagree.

   I will be the first to admit that my family and I do not always see eye to eye. I am the youngest in the family and many times, even though I am now a respectable adult with a family, I am still treated as such. In fact, most of the time we don’t get along, but that does not mean I love them any less.  And is no reason why we should forget spending time together.

   My wife, the wise woman that she is, told me this year that I could make the time with my family whatever I choose - good or bad.  She further explained that I could spend the day with them grumpy and upset over past hurts or I could spend the day removing our differences, focusing on our similarities, enjoying their presence, repairing and rebuilding relationships long overdue.  What a wise woman she is. 

   I also spend much needed time with my wife.  She is my best friend. During this holiday we spend our time enjoying one another, reflecting on our year, and making plans for the new year.

4. To Prepare: I have a great deal I want to accomplish this year, and one way of insuring I see it through is by setting goals.  These are not New Year’s resolutions. These are much more than that.

   My wife and I take time to establish Professional Goals, Personal Goals, and TeamWork Goals.  We can then encourage each other along the way.  Once I establish major goals, I create smaller markers that serve two purpose:

         1st - they help me track that I am moving towards that larger goal.

         2nd - they help keep me motivated.  I know I am most likely the only person who does this, but sometimes when I am not getting somewhere fast enough I have a tendency to want to quit.  However, establishing these smaller markers improve my motivation and help me leap frog to the next one. 

   Like this year, for instance, I plan to release another book. 

5. In Honor: I am a Christian, and the Christmas holiday is a time of year that I honor a man who walked the earth 2000 years ago, to accomplish one thing - He was an atonement for me.  During this time of year I honor his birth and the fact that he loved me so much he was willing to lay down his life for me. Everyone has differing beliefs and I respect their opinions, but for me this is a special time of year. 

The end of the year signifies a New Beginning, and while it would be easy to push through and work during this time, I use it to Reflect, Remember, and Prepare for the upcoming year.  I am very excited about what 2008 has to offer.  I wish each and every one of you a magnificent year.

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As I am sitting here at work I happened to glance down at my wrist, and I observed I could not help but smile. The longer that I looked, the wider the smile got, the happier I became, the strength of the emotional impulses in my brain increased, my temperature began to rise, and the euphoric feelings towards my wife rose.

The reason for this “explosion of emotion” was driven by the memories brought forth by the watch that decorated my arm.

It is not typically a watch I wear everyday because it is an extraordinary watch that is more of a specialty item than an everyday watch. Yet today, I decided to dress up for work and the watch seemed like a perfect accessory.

You see, when I proposed to my wife over five years ago, I took her to the jewelry store to choose her own engagement/wedding ring. She had no idea I was going to propose to her, in fact, when I proposed I used an approximately 40-ct strawberry and cream candy ring from 7-11 that still sits proudly in our jewelry case. So as we were looking for a engagement/wedding ring for her, my eyes were drawn to an incredible timepiece brilliantly shining in the men’s watch case. I am not much of a jewelry type-of-guy, but this one was different. It appeared as if it had been made specifically for me. My wife agreed that it was a magnificent watch, but it was way out of our budget – Then and Now.

Fast forward four years – my 30th birthday, which was just a few months ago, was rapidly approaching. I personally am not much for making a huge deal out of occasions such as this, and as such, my wife and I decided to lay low on this occasion, rather than throwing some big SURPRISE party.

To celebrate I let my wife take me to Morton’s Steakhouse, a favorite hangout of ours on special occasions. (We had been there 3 times before in our 8-year relationship) Just before dessert arrived my wife tells me, “It is time to open your gift!” and with my two-month-old daughter by my side, my wife placed a small box in front of me wrapped very eloquently.

At first I had no idea what she had gotten me, but as I held the small box in my hands I realized, in order to mark this special occasion, she had purchased the beautiful watch that still lingered in the back of my mind, knowing full well it was way out of our budget. I did not know how to react at first.  Should I be angry that she spent this money…? But as I unwrapped the watch, I understood how much sacrifice, hard work, and love went into this gift and my eyes welled with tears. This moment had been marked by a small token of how much my wife thinks of me, and how far she was willing to go to show me how much she cares.  In order to purchase this gift for me my wife had to sacrifice many things, for a long time, in order to afford this watch, and it symbolizes her love and dedication to our relationship. Each time I wear this watch I relive that moment in my mind, and the emotions I felt that evening come rushing back again.

While great memories certainly do not have to cost a single penny, they are a very important piece of any great relationship. Isabel Urbano, a famous quotationist, once stated, “Though our memories of today will soon be yesterdays, they will forever live in our tomorrows.” A great memory only needs your time, effort, and good attitude. Great memories will linger in the muscle and nerve of the relationship forever.

Life with your mate is about making great memories. Shared moments in your life are special and unique moments that you can reflect upon as a couple to remind yourself of the love and dedication you have for one another. Celebrate all moments in your life. They do not have to be momentous occasions or even cost a lot of money (some of my wife’s and my most memorable celebrations hardly cost a cent), they simply require your time, effort, sacrifice and love.

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This is an exerpt from the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship.

“I love you, you are perfect, now change!” Such a statement seems to be the underlying message of most modern relationships. Most people believe that change needs to happen in their relationship, but ironically it is usually directed at the other person. They believe themselves flawless, or at least their flaws aren’t affecting the relationship negatively. Most of us honestly believe that if our woman would change a few key areas in her life, our relationship would be perfect. How selfish!

Over the years, I have met many people who actually believe that they can ultimately change the person they are with into the person they want. How many times have I heard, “Well, he may not be perfect now, but that will change when we get married.” And then there is the somewhat frustrated young man who states, “She doesn’t do what I want her to do, but when we get married she won’t have a choice.” Sound familiar? Everyone can find flaws in another person, but somehow we are unwilling to even consider that we are the ones that need to change or adapt.

No relationship was built in a day. Instead they develop gradually over time, and only with effort and the willingness to improve yourself. A relationship requires daily care, daily growth, daily change. Most of the time, the person that needs to change is yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

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This topic is based off the book Developing a Million-Dollar Relationship: A Man’s Strategy to a Real Relationship on one of the essential requirements of a woman – communication.

     Communication is a little thing that can make a big difference.  Most of the time we take communication for granted because it is something that we do constantly through our use of verbal and non-verbal expressions, but when communication becomes flat your action can make all the difference.  Miscommunication is what starts wars and ends friendships; it is what destroys corporations and ruins reputations.  Ultimately, communication will be the one factor that either holds your relationship together or lets it fade away. 

     If you think communication with a woman is the same as a male you are fooling yourself.  Male communication often is a myriad of grunts and broken English, saying the littlest possible in the shortest amount of time. I call this locker room talk, and it has made shows such as the ESPN’s SportCenter extremely popular.

     Communication between women takes on a much more sophisticated role. Their sentences are much more complete, and contain much more information. In time, a woman’s relationship is built upon trading secrets and opening up to one another, something that is sometimes difficult for a man to do. If you want to have a fulfilling relationship and build a lasting friendship with your woman, you will need to learn to adapt your style to a more self-revealing method when communicating to her. 

     Effective communication with your woman doesn’t mean you have to act like a girl. Your woman doesn’t expect you to be a girlfriend, but she expects you to be her friend.  That is good news for you, because a man needs his woman to be his best friend, and here are a few suggestions for impeccable communication in your relationship.  Read the rest of this entry »

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     Do you know what our mission, desire and vision is here at JamesSchellman.com? Simply this - to add value to the lives of others.  That’s it.  It really is as simple as that - we exist to add merit to your life, and we believe that you can make a difference.

     By definition that is the meaning of significance - to give meaning or importance,  or my favorite definition - having or likely to have a major effect. Wouldn’t you like to say you had a major effect on something?  Put that on a resume, “I was the major effect…” I think John Maxwell, a renowned Leadership speaker and author, says it best, “Significance is found when you add value to others.”  Allow me to share a moment of significance in my life. Read the rest of this entry »

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Relationships are the basis of human existance.  Whether it be with a complete stranger, your closest friend, or an intimate lover; your daily interaction will produce action by those around you.  The question is whether or not your interaction will produce affirming action.  Here are three ways to have positive interaction:

Give: Winston Churchill once said, “You make a living by what you get.  You make a life by what you give.”  When you spend your time voluntarily giving to your relationships without expecting compensation you will always be able to see it grow.  Unfortunately, so many times we only see what we can get out of our relationships and in return see them deminish.  Think about what you can offer to a relationship without looking for anything in return.

Focus: When I was younger I had a friend, and it always felt like when we were together that he was complaining about one of his other friends.  This perplexed me.  I could not understand why, if this was one of his best friends, he always spoke so poorly of him.  So one day I asked why he was friends with this guy, and all of the sudden he didn’t have enough good things to say about him.  My point: if you think highly of someone, let it be reflected by the way you speak of them and promote their good traits. 

Attitude Makes a Difference: Eric Hoffer, an American Social Writer, once said, “The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves.  We hate others when we hate ourselves.  We tolerate others when we tolerate ourselves.  We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrafice others when we are ready to sacrafice ourselves.” The miraculous thing about this quote, besides its insight, is that each of these statements is derived from one character trait - Your Attitude.  An attitude is nothing more than an inward feeling expressed as an outward expression, and the attitude that you chose to display will be projected upon those around you. In comparison, your attitude toward others will greatly determine their attitude toward you, and 100% of the time your attitude is determined by your choice. 

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