As I am sitting here at work I happened to glance down at my wrist, and I observed I could not help but smile. The longer that I looked, the wider the smile got, the happier I became, the strength of the emotional impulses in my brain increased, my temperature began to rise, and the euphoric feelings towards my wife rose.

The reason for this “explosion of emotion” was driven by the memories brought forth by the watch that decorated my arm.

It is not typically a watch I wear everyday because it is an extraordinary watch that is more of a specialty item than an everyday watch. Yet today, I decided to dress up for work and the watch seemed like a perfect accessory.

You see, when I proposed to my wife over five years ago, I took her to the jewelry store to choose her own engagement/wedding ring. She had no idea I was going to propose to her, in fact, when I proposed I used an approximately 40-ct strawberry and cream candy ring from 7-11 that still sits proudly in our jewelry case. So as we were looking for a engagement/wedding ring for her, my eyes were drawn to an incredible timepiece brilliantly shining in the men’s watch case. I am not much of a jewelry type-of-guy, but this one was different. It appeared as if it had been made specifically for me. My wife agreed that it was a magnificent watch, but it was way out of our budget – Then and Now.

Fast forward four years – my 30th birthday, which was just a few months ago, was rapidly approaching. I personally am not much for making a huge deal out of occasions such as this, and as such, my wife and I decided to lay low on this occasion, rather than throwing some big SURPRISE party.

To celebrate I let my wife take me to Morton’s Steakhouse, a favorite hangout of ours on special occasions. (We had been there 3 times before in our 8-year relationship) Just before dessert arrived my wife tells me, “It is time to open your gift!” and with my two-month-old daughter by my side, my wife placed a small box in front of me wrapped very eloquently.

At first I had no idea what she had gotten me, but as I held the small box in my hands I realized, in order to mark this special occasion, she had purchased the beautiful watch that still lingered in the back of my mind, knowing full well it was way out of our budget. I did not know how to react at first.  Should I be angry that she spent this money…? But as I unwrapped the watch, I understood how much sacrifice, hard work, and love went into this gift and my eyes welled with tears. This moment had been marked by a small token of how much my wife thinks of me, and how far she was willing to go to show me how much she cares.  In order to purchase this gift for me my wife had to sacrifice many things, for a long time, in order to afford this watch, and it symbolizes her love and dedication to our relationship. Each time I wear this watch I relive that moment in my mind, and the emotions I felt that evening come rushing back again.

While great memories certainly do not have to cost a single penny, they are a very important piece of any great relationship. Isabel Urbano, a famous quotationist, once stated, “Though our memories of today will soon be yesterdays, they will forever live in our tomorrows.” A great memory only needs your time, effort, and good attitude. Great memories will linger in the muscle and nerve of the relationship forever.

Life with your mate is about making great memories. Shared moments in your life are special and unique moments that you can reflect upon as a couple to remind yourself of the love and dedication you have for one another. Celebrate all moments in your life. They do not have to be momentous occasions or even cost a lot of money (some of my wife’s and my most memorable celebrations hardly cost a cent), they simply require your time, effort, sacrifice and love.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my belief that everyone is a leader, whether or not they would like to be.  (Read: School of Thought or A Way of Life?) That is because everyone has the obligation to lead at least one person in their life - themselves.  And when you do that well, simply by your actions, you are influencing other people; which by its very definition is Leadership. 

The problem is that too many people are not leading themselves; they are just allowing life to happen around them.  Yet, they too, through their actions and words are influencing others.  For example, I think everyone would agree the potential drunk driving and drug charges pending against Lindsey Lohan this past week would be poor judgments, yet they are influencing many people.  Just like gravity pulling every object down to itself, so do people with lower values become a constant pressure to compromise. 

In this blog, I want to talk about Who Is Influencing You?  All great leaders do not always lead.  Many times, they allow themselves to be influenced by their inner circle, and those closest to them determine a leaders potential.  It is my opinion that we choose whom it is that we allow ourselves to be influenced by. Many times outside influences can have a certain charisma and charm that can be drawing.  But people who influence you should have certain characteristics and predetermined values.  Those who do not have a predetermined set of values will find themselves expedient - this means that they are guided simply by what is advantageous and self-serving - rather than by principles. 

What this does not mean is that every decision made by someone who does have values is good, nor that every decision made by someone who has not set  their values makes bad judgments.  It only means that having values by which you stand by will provide you with the greatest chance of making good judgments.  Because you have something by which to make those decisions.

Temptation is a constant companion, but set values, like hardened cement, will be able to withstand the pressure.  Think of your life as a custom sailboat, built solely by your choices.  Values act as your sail and rudder in life.  When you do not have any values you will be blown to and fro by the passing storms and currents, and many times taken to places you never intended to go.  Our world is full of change - seasons change, goals change, friendships change - but values do not.  And it is by our values, principles, ethics, and beliefs that we can make sound judgments which, in turn, will allow you, or someone else, to be a person worthy of influence.  The success of anyone’s influence is the sum total of the quality of decisions they make on a daily basis. 

For these reasons, it is important to consciously understand who it is that is influencing you, as well as, understand how you may be influencing others.  For reference, the following is a list of predetermined values and ethics that great leaders posses, and that may aid you in understanding Who is Influencing you:

• Leaders posses Integrity
• Leaders make decisions based on their understanding of Right and Wrong
• Leaders decisions are consistent with their values and ethics
• Leaders are honest and trustworthy
• Leaders honor others and value them
• Leaders keep their word even if it means they take a loss
• Leaders are strong and stable

This message had been adapted from a speech given by Art Williams, Founder of A.L. Willimas & Associates, at the Regent University Global Leadership and Entrepreneurship student classes on November 14, 2006. His book Coach is available on Amazon.com. 

I read this lesson given by Art Williams the other day and found it resonated with me strongly.  The title is How to be a “Two Percenter”, and while the title alone did not grab all of my attention, the message did.  Best of all if focuses on how to succeed as a leader and an entrepreneur. 

Over the past twelve years, I have started many small businesses.  Some of them more successful than the others, but in hindsight I can see that their success was directly proportional to the amount of effort I put into the process before, during, and after.  Like a mathematical equation Time X Effort = Amount of Success.  Mr. Williams explains that a “Two Percenter” is someone who has survived the initial pressures of starting a business and has succeeded.  In other words, out of every 100 people who start a business, Mr. Williams believes only 2 will succeed.  Why?  Because those two people are the only ones who did/will do what was necessary to succeed. 

A great example of a “Two Percenter” is a friend of mine, a ‘TwentySomething’ young man who runs two successful businesses – one is a multi-million dollar privately held company and the other a real estate company. He has a hand written note stuck to his bathroom mirror in his home.  It reads, “I will do today what others will not, so that I can enjoy tomorrow what others cannot.” I quickly added this quote to my inspiration board. 

Let’s get back to Art Williams’s speech on How to Succeed as a “Two Percenter” in life and in business.  “Winning in business is a 10-year or 20-year game, and most people fail because they keep changing.  They are always looking for a quicker way, an easier way, and a way with the smallest amount of hard work,” said Mr. Williams. The following are bulleted highlights of his most significant habits to succeed. 

1. Simplify the Complicated – Success is based on a leader’s ability to zero in on the important matters.  They spend 90% of their time on important things and 10% on the rest.
2. Stand for Something – You have to believe in something and then you have to do what is right.  This is the basis for building character.
3. Be a Great Encourager – Be slow to anger and quick to praise.  Mary Kay [Ash] said, “The only thing more powerful than money or sex is praise and recognition.”
4. Win with your Heart and not Your Head – You have to love what you do rather than do something simply for monetary gain.  A.L Williams & Associates did not just sell life insurance; they believed they were correcting an injustice.
5. Be so Motivated it is Ridiculous – Passion is the fuel for motivation.
6. Have a Positive Attitude – Almost everybody can be positive/excited for two or three months, a few can be positive/excited for a few years, but a winner [Two Percenter] will stay positive/excited forever.
7. Have a “Can Do” Attitude – The two worst words in the English language are –“ I Can’t”
8. Make a Commitment – You cannot just test the waters and stick a toe in it.  You have to jump in with both feet.
9. Be a Big Dreamer – Never give up your hopes and dreams – EVER!
10. Be a Master Motivator – Nothing motivates more than getting involved and leading by example.
11. Be Disciplined – Do what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it.
12. Follow your Instincts – Follow your heart.

In summary, winners [Two Percenters] simply do it.  They will do today what others will not, so they can enjoy tomorrow what others cannot.

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:  A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Tris-Kaide-Ka-Phobia, say that five times fast. 

I have never really understood the whole concept of Friday the 13th.  Maybe it is because I have never been superstitious. (Well there was this one time in high school…never mind) I mean, really, what is it that gets us all wound up and nervous about just another day.  Is there a verifiable need to fear this day?  In lue of my curiosity, I have done a little investigation on the topic, The following are my findings:

• A Friday occurring on the 13th day of any month is considered to be a day of bad luck in English, German, Polish and Portuguese-speaking cultures around the globe. Similar superstitions exist in some other traditions. In Greece or Spain, for example, Tuesday the 13th takes the same role.
• The first documented mention of a “Friday the 13th” is generally listed as occurring in the early 1900’s
• The catastrophe was the decimation of the Knights Templar, the legendary order of “warrior monks” formed during the Christian Crusades to combat Islam, by King Philip IV on October 13, 1307.
• The day has been associated with the term black Friday.

Source: Wikipedia
So in conclusion: What makes Friday the 13th such a feared day?  I am still lost.

Believe it or not, you are a leader.

I do not know what silent thought just rushed through your mind, but for some of you it may have been, “No I am not!” or “Not Really” or “You Betcha”.  The truth is - everybody is a leader; like it or not.

I never really wanted to be a leader.  It seemed like too much work, and it actually appeared simpler to just sit back, follow, and let someone else make the hard decisions.  The dilemma that ensued was twofold:  most of the time I did not like the decisions others were making for me (but, if I did not help shape the decision, I had no authority to complain - right?), and when I wasn’t sitting with my arms crossed protesting like a young child who did not want to eat their spinach, I was usually chosen by others to be a leader.  A role that, if I was going to be asked to perform, I had better learn to do well.  Now, my passion has become learning to be a great leader.

Some believe in the school of thought, “leaders are born - not made”.  I disagree; no great leaders are ever born; only babies are born.  Leaders are made, and it is from there that my school of thought is birthed.  I stand by the leadership definition: Leadership is influence; nothing more and nothing less.

Whether or not you want to be a leader, in life, everyone has one person they must lead – Themselves. And whether you want to lead many or simply be a follower; you always have to at least be accountable for yourself. Life is nothing more that leading yourself so well that others cannot help but follow. Therefore, if your lead yourself well, you will influence others naturally; and by influencing others, you are leading. Thereby, making everyone a leader in some fashion or on some level. That raises the question: How are you influencing others?

I could never imagine how hard it would be to control others, as some leader’s attempt, when controlling myself is such a mammoth task.  Leading “others” in a formal fashion is a responsibility that not everyone is called to do, but everyone is called to, at the very minimum, lead themselves.  A true leader does not focus on leading others, they focus on leading themselves first and when you do that well, others will follow.  So - is being a leader really a school of thought or a way of life?